To be Loved . . .

Tonite I watched the movie, "Twilight" again for the third time with my family. Every time I see that movie, I am intrigued and completely enamored with the way that Edward completely and selflessly loves Bella. He protects her, watches over her and simply cannot stand to be away from the object of his affection. . .

These are the things that I think every woman truly desires in her heart of hearts. Edward, because he is a vampire, thinks he is a monster - but to Bella, he is the definition of perfection. She simply won't be swayed by the disapproval of what others think; her gaze is locked on this chivalrous, timeless man who would run to the ends of the earth, to make sure his forever love is safe and protected from anything that would pose a threat to her well-being, and more importantly, her life.

Thought to be beautiful, precious, cherished, endlessly loved, adored, chivalrous towards her, honored, respected, a priceless gem, a true princess, mercy continually bestowed upon, a heart completely ravished, the rush of adrenaline and blood pulsing through his veins at the mere thought of her, the wild and erratic beating of his heart, the sudden and electric charge in the atmosphere when she enters a room, endless grace and forgiveness, love as strong as death, the way he sets her as a seal upon his heart, as a permanent imprint, telling the world that she's won his heart, the very object of his affection, single mindedness towards her, gratitude and thankfulness of heart for her life, an unspoken, founded, heart-bound trust that knows where their equal affections and true devotions lie, conveying to her that even in her many weaknesses, she is still lovely to him, many waters not able to quench his fiery, passionate, burning love for her, yearning, longing thoughts of her constantly on his mind, the selfless act of laying down his life for her, "the true apple of his eye". . .

These are all of the thoughts that Jesus thinks of me as His bride! And though I long and yearn in my heart of hearts for an earthly husband to love me and think of me this way, at least I know that the King of this universe loves me completely and purely without reservation. And some day face to face, I will have the honor of meeting this beautiful man who loves me more than I'll ever truly comprehend, and who holds me endearingly close to His heart. I can rest assured that He will never leave me, abandon me or forsake me, and that I can trust Him with all of my heart, mind, body soul and spirit. I know with confidence that I AM His favorite one; and so are you . . .

We are "The Apple of His Eye" . . .

~ I will Give My Love An Apple ~

I will give my love an apple without e'er a core

I will give my love a house without e'er a door,

I will give my love a palace wherein she may be,

But she may unlock it without any key.

My head is the apple without e'er a core,

My mind is the house without e'er a door.

My heart is the palace wherein she may be

And she may unlock it without e'er a key.

The Shack

The other day I was having quite an in depth conversation with my mom about why we have to experience such heartache and pain in our lifetime. I haven't been able to make sense of a lot of things that have happened to me throughout almost all of my adult life, and I have had so many questions about why God would allow these things to happen to me; after all, He is the God of love and peace, right? He does want the best for His children, doesn't He?

In the process of our conversation, my mom highly suggested that I read this book called, The Shack, as it contained many of the answers to some really hard questions that have been "burning a hole" in my heart. I am almost done with the book, and it has literally changed my perspective of life and how I see God as a Father and friend. It has helped me to see God in a whole different light.

To give you a little bit of insight to the book, God comes to the main character in the book, named "Mack", in the form of a African woman named, "Papa". This is a true story by the way. Though it is a little lengthy, please read this excerpt from one of the chapters titled, "A meeting of Hearts" . . .

~ The Shack ~
"A Meeting of Hearts"

"But why do you love me?" I mean, why Mackenzie Allen Phillips? Why do you love someone who is such a screw up? After all the things I've felt in my heart towards you and all the accusations I've made, why would you even bother to keep trying to get through to me? "Because that is what love does," answered Papa. "Remember, Mackenzie, I don't wonder what you will do or what choices you will make. I already know. Let's say, for example, I am trying to teach you how not to hide inside lies - hypothetically, of course," she said with a wink. "And let's say that I know it will take you forty-seven situations and events before you will actually hear me - that is, before you will hear clearly enough to agree with me and change. So when you don't hear me the first time, I'm not frustrated or disappointed, I'm thrilled. Only forty-six more times to go! And that first time will be a building block to construct a bridge of healing that one day - that today - you will walk across."
"Okay, now I'm feeling guilty," he admitted.
"Let me know how that works for you." Papa chuckled.
"Seriously, Mackenzie, it's not about feeling guilty. Guilt'll never help you find freedom in me. The best it can do is make you try harder to conform to some ethic on the outside. I'm about the inside."
"But what you said, I mean, about hiding inside lies. I guess I've done that one way or another most of my life."
"Honey, you're a survivor. No shame in that. Your daddy hurt you something fierce. Life hurt you."
"Lies are one of the easiest places for survivors to run. They give you a sense of safety, a place where you have to depend only on yourself. But it's a dark place, isn't it?"

"So dark," Mack muttered with a shake of his head.
"But are you willing to give up the power and safety it promises you? That's the question."What do you mean?" asked Mack, looking up at her.

"Lies are a little fortress; inside them you can feel safe and powerful. Through your little fortress of lies you try to run your life and manipulate others. But the fortress needs walls, so you build some. These are the justifications for your lies. You know, like you are doing this to protect someone you love, to keep them from feeling pain. Whatever works, just so you feel okay about the lies."

"But the reason I didn't tell Nan about the note was because it would have caused her so much hurt."
"See? There you go, Mackenzie, justifying yourself. What you just said is a bold-faced lie, but you can't see it." She leaned forward. "Do you want me to tell you what the truth is?"
Mack knew Papa was going deep, and somewhere inside he was both relieved to be talking about this and tempted to almost laugh out loud. He was no longer embarrassed by it. "No-o-o-o." He drew his answer out slowly and smirked up at her. "But go ahead anyway."

She smiled back and then grew serious. "The truth is, Mack, the real reason you did not tell Nan was not because you were trying to save her from pain. The real reason was that you were afraid of having to deal with the emotions you might have encountered, both from her and in yourself. Emotions scare you, Mack. You lied to protect yourself, not her!"
"And furthermore," she continued, "Such a lie is unloving. In the name of caring about her, your lie became an inhibitor in your relationship with her, and in her relationship with me. If you had told her, maybe she would be here with us now.
Papa's words hit Mack like a punch in the stomach. "You wanted her to come too?"
"That was your decision and hers, if she had ever been given the chance to make it. The point is, Mack, you don't know what would have happened because you were so busy 'protecting' Nan.

And again he was floundering in guilt. "So, what do I do now?"
"You tell her, Mackenzie. You face the fear of coming out of the dark and tell her, and you ask her forgiveness and let her forgiveness heal you. Ask her to pray for you, Mack. Take the risks of honesty. When you mess up again, ask for forgiveness again. It's a process, honey, and life is real enough without having to be obscured by lies. And remember, I am bigger than your lies. I can work beyond them. But that doesn't make them right or stop the damage they do or the hurt they cause others."

"What if she won't forgive me?" Mack knew that this was indeed a very deep fear that he lived with. It felt safer to continue to throw new lies on the growing pile of old ones.
"Ah, that is the risk of faith, Mack. Faith does not grow in the house of certainty. I am not here to tell you that Nan will forgive you. Perhaps she won't or can't, but my life inside you will appropriate risk and uncertainty to transform you by your own choices into a truth teller, and that will be a miracle greater than raising the dead."
Mack sat back and let her words sink in. "Will you please forgive me?" Mack finally offered.

"Did that a long time ago, Mack. If you don't believe me, ask Jesus. He was there . . ."

Love =

To put it simply . . . Love = putting someone else's good ahead of your own . . . Think about that. . .

Your growing environment . . .

I was walking through Target today browsing through the book aisle for a new, good read. Out of the corner of my eye I glanced at a book by a preacher named Joel Osteen titled, Become a Better You. I went back and picked it up and bought it, despite my hesitance to "big time" TV preachers. As I was reading tonight however, I have to say I was pleasantly surprised at this man's God given gift for encouragement and Godly wisdom. I had an epiphany this evening about our dreams and plans and the discouragement that comes when they are suddenly stifled.

Here's what Mr. Osteen writes . . .

"The dream in your heart may be bigger than the environment in which you find yourself. Sometimes you have to get out of that environment in order to see that dream fulfilled. Consider an oak tree. If you plant it in a pot, it can grow no further. The problem is not with the tree; it is with the environment. It is stifling growth. Perhaps you have bigger things in your heart than your present environment can facilitate. That's why, at times, God will stir you out of a comfortable situation. When you go through persecution and rejection, it's not always because somebody has it in for you. Sometimes that's God's way of directing you into His perfect will. He's trying to get you to stretch to the next level. He knows you're not going to go without a push, so He'll make it uncomfortable for you to stay where you are currently. The mistake we make at times is getting negative and sour; we focus on what didn't work out. When we do that, we inhibit the opening of new doors.

Throughout life, we're not always going to understand everything that happens along the way. But we've got to learn to trust God. We've got to believe that He has us in the palm of His hand, that He is leading and guiding us, that He always has our best interests at heart. Somebody may have rejected you, but you can hold your head up high knowing this: God accepts you. God approves of you. And He has something better in store.

Friend, don't die with the treasure still inside you. Keep pressing forward. Keep reaching for new heights. Give birth to what God had placed in your heart. Don't let other people talk you out of your dreams. Listen to what God says about you, not all of the negative voices. When you have rejection and disappointment, don't stay there. Know that God has another plan. That closed door simply means God has something better in store. You may not have experienced God's favor in the past, but this is a new day. You have not seen, heard or imagined the wonderful things that God has in store for you. Don't be weighed down by the distractions and disappointments in life; instead, keep stretching to the next level, reaching for your highest potential. If you do that, I can tell you with confidence your best days are in front of you. God is going to show you more of His blessings and favor, and you will become a better you, better than you ever dreamed possible."

~ Excerpt taken from the book Become a better you written by Joel Osteen

Remember though, God can't have just a piece of you, He needs all of your devotion and heart if you want Him to fulfill the God-given desires that are in your heart. He won't fulfill the dreams that are not of Him, and that don't line up with His Word, The Bible. He can't bless your life either, if you are walking in blatant, willful, disobedience to His Word. You must surrender your will to His, if you want to go forward in life.

~ Nikki Fairbanks

Here's more about what Mr. Osteen writes about . . . .

"If you will have the right attitude, you will give birth to more in the future than you've lost in the past. Quit looking back. This is a new day. It may seem like your dreams have died, but God can resurrect your dead dreams or give you brand - new ones. He is a supernatural God and when we believe, all things are possible!

God has not given up on you; He knows that He put seeds of greatness in you. You have something to offer that nobody else has. He's given you noble dreams and desires. When one door closes, God will always open another. If all the doors close, He'll open a window! God always wants to give you a fresh beginning. He still has a great plan for your life. Do you know when that's going to happen? It will commence the moment you quit looking back. Whenever you quit grieving over what you've lost. Nothing will keep you from the good things of God as much as living in the past! Instead of focusing on your mistakes and dwelling on your failures, let it go and receive God's mercy. Yes, you've made some mistakes, you've made some poor choices, but I know that God has another seed. I know He has another plan . . .

"What happened in your past is not nearly as important as what is in your future" ~ Joel Osteen

Just my honest feelings . . .

"Missing"

Please, please forgive me, But I won't be home again.

Maybe someday you'll look up,

And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:

"Isn't something missing?"

You won't cry for my absence,

I know -You forgot me long ago.

Am I that unimportant...?

Am I so insignificant...?

Isn't something missing?

Isn't someone missing me?

Even though I'm the sacrifice,You won't try for me, not now.

Though I'd die to know you love me, I'm all alone.

Isn't someone missing me?

Please, please forgive me, But I won't be home again.

I know what you do to yourself,

I breathe deep and cry out,"Isn't something missing?

Isn't someone missing me?"

And if I bleed, I'll bleed, Knowing you don't care.

And if I sleep just to dream of you

I'll wake without you there,

Isn't something missing?

Isn't something...

Can you stop the fire?

Can you stand to fight her?

You can't stop the fire, you won't say the words.

Evanescence ~

Worship in Spirit and Truth . . .

As I was reading out of a book written by Gary Weins titled, "Bridal Intercession", I was swept away by the reality and teaching that was brought to light. On page 61 he is talking about the fact that the body of Christ needs a restored understanding of "the majestic beauty of the Man Christ Jesus". He goes on to say that we have become so focused on our OWN personal happiness and on the business of solving issues, having our OWN needs met and pursuing our OWN visions, that we have neglected to FOCUS on "the beauty and majesty of the One who makes it all worthwhile" in the first place!


** Notice the key word above . . . OUR OWN! Sometimes our focus can be way too much on SELF instead of HIM.


When our main focus, time and energies are spent declaring the glory of speaking and singing of that glory from the texts of the scriptures, the reality of doing this is that our hearts become more and more exhilerated in His beauty and passion! In effect, we become more and more convinced that He IS able to do what we need, and to hold until that day the victory He won for us on the cross. This is precisely why He tells us in John 4 to "worship Him in Spirit and truth".



He doesn't want us to do this because He is some sort of egocentric God who must be placated, (to pacify or cause to be more favorably inclined, or to gain the good will of) by little people telling Him how important He is.


He desires us to be focused on His loveliness and to declare it to HIm night and day for OUR OWN BENEFIT, that we may see His power and glory and become convinced that He is able to keep us.

***Worship and adoration increase our sense of His majesty and puts our hearts at rest in faith and confidence! ***

When worship is focused on the beauty of the Lord, not for the sake of my comfort, but simply for the sake of adorning Him, the unexpected happens. I, in fact, come to a greater sense of peace and rest than when attaining peace and rest was my goal!

The knowledge of Christ sets us at rest. The shulamite in the Song of Songs knew that the best way that she could come to a place of rest and ease was to focus on the beauty and the excellence of her King.

( Excerpts taken from the book, "Bridal Intercession" written by Gary Weins)

I believe that this IS the key to any lasting relationship; making Christ the center place in our hearts and focus, and worshipping Him out of that place. When we do this, the love of Christ spills over abundantly into our other relationships, causing us to have the capacity to love others with HIS LOVE, not in our own fleshly capacity. Our conditional, selfish, limited capacity to love will ALWAYS fail, but His love NEVER FAILS . . .

~ Nikki Fairbanks